Psychological, Really??

Ok, so I have been pretty sick. You know, lots of coughing, lethargy, congestion, and difficulty catching my breath. All legitimate symptoms. I have been experiencing these for oh, about 6 days.

I hate to go to the doctor and try my very best to not see one. Usually, by the time I go, I am either threatened by my husband or mother or I am near death(or atleast I think I am).

Anyway, today I muster up the nerve to go to a well known walk-in clinic. I drag myself there and on the way am telling myself I really should not waste the time, as I feel lightheaded and can not catch my breath.

So, I get there and it is empty for which I am thankful. Two minutes later, if that, I am called back by the doctor himself. Great! Quickly in and out, I think to my self.

I tell him I am having trouble catching my breath and explain how long I have felt this way. He does not ask any other questions. I look at him quizzically. He looks at me. I am thinking "well?". He starts to explain to me how the mind works. Yes he did! He continues to update me on how the brain controls your body. Dah! I think. I am fully educated on the mind and how it works physiologically, neurologically, chemically, etc... Blah! Blah! Blah!

Then it dawns on me. He is eluding to how he thinks my inability to breath could be psychological. What do I look like an diot? Are you "f'ing" kidding me? I dragged my self here and this is what I get. You want to see a crazy housewife/mother/career women, oh baby, I can show that if you really want! I am not flippin crazy. I just can not breathe and want some medicine to fix me up.

Instead of jumping off the table and clawing at his eyes I decide to calmly let him know a little about me and what I do for a living-hence the Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner degree with 12 years experience. So there!

"I see", he says and then explains that he is not really saying it is in my head and clearly that this is not his area of expertise. "No shit" I think to myself-restraining not to say it out loud. I let him know politely that I do not agree with him and ask if we can back up a little.

I start over and tell him the three complaints I have, not just the one he heard earlier, and if he would have used his assessment skills a little better he would have been able to get a better understanding of what my problem was.

After I spell out that I have been having difficulty catching my breath, uncontrollable coughing and lethargy. I am told if he knew that then he would have thought differently. Now he states the problem seems to be Bronchitis (not Psychosis?). "Hello, is anyone in there? You finally got it". I am now feeling the need to offer more information to validate my sanity then I throw in the towel with the hopes to get my script and move on. I really did not want to waste anymore of my valuable time.

I get the script and he goes on to say he does not think that what I have is bacterial so there is really only a 10-15% chance the medicine will even work. At this point, I do not care. I just want to try. "Please oh Please just be quiet so I can leave" I think to myself. I decide to throw him a "wrench" and ask "so, if I do not take this how long will it take for me to get better?" I get the generic answer of "that is not something I can definitively tell you" and goes on to talk about epidemiology. Inside I am now rolling in laughter. I get up to leave-with my script-and tell him maybe I will email and let him know my update. Of course, I was NOT being sarcastic.

For I little while there I could have thought I was hearing voices to tell me to do bad things to the crazy doctor but we all know I am too rational for that. Ha!

I am out the door. At this point, I either want a piece of chocolate or a new pair of jeans. I think well the chocolate could cause an increase in jean size so skip the chocolate and go for the jeans.

To top it off, I call a local friend to tell her about the crazy experience and she informs me that she believes this doctor is actually a plastic surgeon who moonlights at the walk in clinic. All my questions were then answered. He deals numerous days out of the month with patients who may truly have an emotional issue so why not let it bleed into primary care. I DO NOT THINK SO! He did say I was a challenging patient for him. WHAT?????

Ok Ok Ok, we all know I am a little type A and have a low level of anxiey. But seriously, I have too many other things to make me crazy.

By the way, I did find a pair of jeans that fit beautifully. All is well.

Girlfriends---such fun!

Soooooo, here I am thinking back to the fabulous girls weekend I had a few weeks back. Too short, non the less, but a great time.

Two of my girlfriends flew to Portland(from Tampa)on a beautiful clear evening. The kind of night you hope for since Portland's weather is so unpredictable. The weatherman can not even get it right.

Anyway, I saw them at the bottom of the escalator. The sight of their familiar faces brought on so many emotions. I was so greatful that my friend chose to come here to celebrate her 40th birthday. I thought "wow, are you sure? It is so far to go for such a short time". Despite the time frame, it is so amazing how the time went in slow motion and each minute remains a clear memory.

Deep down I was afraid the weekend would not live up to their expectations, if they had any. I was so excited and just wanted them to enjoy themselves. Although, they probably did not know I was excited. For those of you who know me, I do not show excitement outwardly.

I could be jumping up and down inside but you see me as you usually would. Such a shame, I know, but it's just the way it is. Now I can laugh pretty good. So hard, in fact, that I can not catch my breath and tears roll down my face. I love those moments.

Anyway, I think my friends wanted to get an idea about how my new life was going and to see that I was ok. I was so blown away by their interest. This really put things into perspective.

Girlfriends are an amazing asset to one's life. Especially those you have had for years. The things you can say, they way you laugh together, how silly you act, all the memories that are reflected upon, and the simplicity of just knowing each is there for the other. Being with them made me feel so alive and refreshed.

Each of us live in different states but it has not affected our relationship. We talk as if we are together all the time - with ease and without restraint. It is great to be surrounded by those who tell you like it is. No hidden agenda or thoughts.

You shop, you can obsess, you enjoy a glass of your favorite adult beverage, and not think of much else but the pleasure you get out of being together. Of course, you talk about your children and sometimes your husbands but mostly the true time together is what is so valued and cherished.

Girlfriends bounce ideas off each other. We like to make sure we are not completely losing our minds whether it is something complicated or stupidly simple. It is amazing, the things we go through. Woman have a special connection-especially with those who just understand you - for who you are. We are all unique and complicated and when you find that special friend or group of friends it is not to be taken lightly.

I enjoy my old friends and my new ones. I have come to realize that woman relate to each other and without that you can feel kind of lost. Keeping a friendship alive takes time and energy but it is worth every minute. I respect those close to me and am dedicated to those who enrich my life. Being real and dependable is the key to everlasting, meaningful friendships. Each friend has the ability to guide us, make us a better person, and even teach us new ways of doing things.

I thank my two friends for traveling clear across the country to see me. We had a weekend that will never be forgotten and the memory will always be tucked away inside my heart. I think they have a new value for Portland and can see why I enjoy it so much.

Now, go take the time to plan a day with your "girls".