Part I may be found here.
So I’ve decided to go back a little. It is hard to believe we have been here a little over a month. I think back to when we decided to move (clear across the country) thinking “I can do this”. Then it really happened. Not so sure I thought it would really occur. Sooo here I am. I really could not live any farther in the U.S. from my home town unless, of course, we decided to live in the ocean off the Oregon coast which as most of you know I could not do since I’d spend most of the time vomiting over the side of the yacht-which would not be what we’d be living on-for we do not have one of those and certainly a small fishing boat would not be up to my standards. My husband wishes I could sail around the world but unless they come up with some amazing cure for motion sickness I will stick to land. I will always be the driver. Who knows? I have thought of looking into acupuncture since it seems as though as I get older it only gets worse. But for now the most adventurous I see myself involves the move and all the things that have come with it.
I find this to be so surreal. I drive around thinking I see a friends car. Most often Stacy’s (a white Toyota Sequoia with dark tinted windows) or Kim (in an audi sedan). I often think I see someone I know at the gym, on the road, or at the grocery. But no, clearly not, for I am thousands of miles away from you. It happens so often that the other day after running group (after happening again) I had to mention it to Jennifer (the one who heads up the group) and we both just chuckled knowing the reality of it. People ask “so where are you from?” Florida, I say. Their response is “wow, you really are far away form home”. “Yes”, I say thinking thanks for reminding me. I think that if the people here were not so amazingly nice that I am not sure what my mental status would be.
Don’t get me wrong. There are moments when I think what the heck did we do this for? This experience has truly forced me to look within and look for parts of myself I never knew I was capable of using or even had available to me. I start up conversations with people I do not know almost anywhere. I sort of look at them and who they are with and assess what they could offer. Sometimes it is a quick, friendly discussion. But most often I am given a volume of information or invited to do something. It really is much more than I could have ever asked for.
I really think I will like it here but the best would have been to bring all my friends with me. I guess if that happened, it would have changed the whole dynamics of the move and my experiences. Oh well, a little selfishness on my part is ok. The children are really who have forced me to utilize all the resources I can find. Speaking of the children….
Wow, has the last 5 weeks been a challenge. Actually 6-7 weeks. Probably started just as we starting packing up the house but has really escalated. We all love our children and know they test us to points way beyond our imagination but there have been many moments where I swear “my children” are not with me. They have been taken over by the “Moving Monster”. Unbelievable!! You think “oh they are young this won’t be sooo bad” Wrong! Despite that, this is a much longer summer than what they are used to and they have decided to see how far they can push me. I have really been trying hard to accommodate them. Look for kids for them to meet, go places where other kids will be, do special things, etc. The ups and down of their moods has been so challenging. I understand and respect their feelings however patience and understanding can only be in someone for so long. I find myself trying to make sure they are “ok” and I do have many fleeting thoughts about when I will truly break down (thinking “what about me?”). However, those of us who are mothers know the “what about me” does not get answered as often. Yeah, yeah, yeah we are much stronger for it. Blah! Blah! Blah! But we all know how precious those moments are. It’s funny usually it’s simple stuff that fulfills those needs. Everyday has become a new day for me with the hopes to wake up with more strength than the day before.
The hardest part is the giving and feeling like there is no receiving i.e. “thank you mommy for taking us to the new park, new restaurant, to meet a new friend, have a picnic lunch”, etc. I have been doing the best I can do to make the transition go smoothly for them but clearly the record shows this move has been difficult for them. People have said “oh better now than later” which I do believe is true but “whew” what an interesting process this has been.
Let’s see. I broke down once so far (not real big just some tears-a quick cry) (a little voice inside my head always helps me to stay grounded reminding me of what really is important)-a couple of days ago. We had to really sit the children down and talk about some of the things we’ve seen that have made us unhappy. It was so funny because I really was past the point of anger for I think the anger had been used up. I am not sure anger is the right word but perhaps disappointment. Anyway, after all was said and done I became tearful which I rarely do in front of them but I really could not keep it dry. So I asked my husband to take them to bed and just sat down and had a quick cry. I am not sure it was because of my extreme disappointment in them or the move itself. Obviously, both. I went and sat down for a few minutes and regrouped. I, then, decided to walk upstairs to help with bedtime. As I was walking up the stairs I heard my oldest son say to him “Mommy never cries” and my husband's response (if I heard correctly) “that is because your mommy is very strong”. I try!
We all love our children, their innocence, their beauty, their frankness, their fearlessness, their ability to try new things, their ability to love, their ability to test those limits, how they explore, how they see things, seeing them develop into the person they will become. I love to watch them see something for the first time, try something for the first time, get frustrated, accomplish something they had not been able to before, look into their eyes and see myself, and most of all to sit by them when they are sleep and admire their peacefulness. Oh, the joy they bring. No matter how hard a day may be I can’t imagine my life without them. Raising children is truly the hardest thing I have ever done. Realistically I know it will only get more challenging. This is harder than college, graduate school, finding the man of my dreams or moving clear across the country. I will continue to take each day as it comes, enjoy the rewards, get through the frustrations, take time for myself and with my husband and “stop and smell the flowers!”
I know you moms can relate.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Friday, August 1, 2008
Stop and Smell the Flowers
(Originally written July 29, 2008)
Sorry sooo long since last update. Been very busy. No time to sit. Things going well. About two weeks ago I had a rough day but didn’t last to long. Really was antsy to get cars. Finally got and feel more settled but then I thought oh @#$% this is for real WE are here for good. Kind of thought I was on some long vacation in a really nice house, nice neighborhood, surrounded by exceptionally nice people. Kind of like I was in the movie Edward scissorhands. Anyway, been really enjoying the gym I told you about. It is actually hilarious-the set up. It has valet service for the mom’s which I think is good but really I think it is because in the winter the rain is such a pain in the you know what, but for now I’ll see it as some great luxury. I am still doing the running group which is totally kicking my booty. These girls are in such great shape and there is no jogging. I am running. Up hills, down hills, forwards, backwards, up bleachers, down bleachers, over highways, through neighborhoods, off to grandmas house we go. Ha ha.
I am meeting all sorts of women. I have put my foot down, however, and do not run over 4-5. I recently hooked up with one girl, very laid back, has 3 kids, lives not too far, friendly and helpful and funny enough she teaches pole dancing, yes, that is what I said. Sooo here I am jogging along side and thinking how do I ask her, w/o sounding too judgmental, because I was not, “so why do you do this? With comic relief her answer was really good exercise and it is a way for women to just let lose. So as I was thinking “don’t think it is something I could do (although paul would get a kick out it) who knows-couldn’t you see me now? A couple of days later, with a chuckle, she gave me her card. Ha ha. But good thing is her mother is a very good seamstress so I do have that going for me. Sooo today I decided to do a sports conditioning class that the running leader convinced me to try so I’m thinking workout stations..blah blah. Oh no, the first 15 minutes was some sort of basketball game then stations with running/toning then the last 15 minutes was a hockey game. Yes that’s what I said so yes I played basketball and hockey. I am sure you can only imagine that. Needless to say being fit is big here and we could not be at a better gym that is is sooo family oriented. The kids enjoyed the rock climbing camp.
So there is Bryant Woods near us. A place to walk through with a path, if you call it that. Soooo we decide to go. A little girl goes with us with her baby sitter-next thing I know K and A are sucking on some purple flower and yes I freak out. But the little girl says “oh its ok it is honeysuckle” and I am thinking “yeah so my kids are gonna die” then she says “you can suck on it and it is sweet”. Babysitter confirmed, but after about the fifth one I put the stops to it thinking “ok, who knows with my luck one of non-natured kids will have some sort of anaphylactic reaction”. Sooo then K decides to randomly put other things in mouth-go figure. So the saying goes “stop and smell the flower” but let’s not eat them. The things we have done here have really allowed me to slow down a little and watch kids and enjoy seeing new things through their eyes. Good thing that came out of the woods is a babysitter “Kayla” who I have used 2 times now. Age 17 and very responsible-lives 4 houses down.
So I have been told there are coyotes that have been in people’s backyards recently. Greaaaat, I think something to look forward to especially when paul is gone because you that is when it will happen to me. Speaking of animal, we were outside a couple of days ago at the bottom of our street and Dylan is running down to us and from the top of the street comes a deer running right behind Dylan- you should have seen Dylan’s face when we told him to look behind him-too funny for words. There are many deer. The same eve Kyra wants to walk down the street to see a friend and as we are walking we see a small snake –she thinks it is cool. I am about to pee my pants for I had had enough animal excitement but instead I keep a tough upper chin and say “oooh yeah so cool” as she then asks to pick it and I quickly say no and ask to move on.
Three other funny things then I will continue later. I go to pump my gas having great difficulty getting it to work-realizing at last minute-oh yeah cannot pump own gas in Portland, it is full serve everywhere so feeling like total idiot plus ran risk of huge fine I quickly get back in to my car and take the dirty look I received from the attendant-will not do that again.
Sooooo few days before I had bad sinus headache-no problem-go get my handy dandy awesome claritinD, that has a little kick to it, but could not find so the norm thing to do is ask pharmacist who looked at me in a horrified way as if I was some criminal who was drug seeking-which clearly not-even though the stuff works great-or was I?? anyway, I was definitively told that is not over the counter!! Feeling 1 inch tall I settled for Sudafed non-drowsy.
One last thing. I am driving down the road and up ahead I see a woman in a leotard-OK I think to myself-people do not really wear those much anymore, but who knows the 80’s are coming back and then she turned around and it was a thong leotard over tights I had to bust out laughing and then I thought oh boy where am I? so I had to ask my neighbor if that was common here she said “absolutely not!” I thought “thank god.” She is training for a marathon and is a mother of 4 and works full time as a nike exec for children’s apparel. She is very nice and we seem to have a lot in common. She has even offered me, which hope to use soon, a nike employee coupon for the employee store which gives me 50% off any nike item. You know that made my day. I hear since addidas and nike corporate offices are here there is no need to pay full price for any of that stuff. The employee stores are huge with the same items in the retail stores. Score!!!! I love nike apparel, as you all know. By the way the latest thing, if you did not already know, is running skirts, so I will be getting some of those. Gotta look cute while running.
Oh, for safety sake, I hope I did not offend any of you that may still wear the leotard??
To be continued,
Sorry sooo long since last update. Been very busy. No time to sit. Things going well. About two weeks ago I had a rough day but didn’t last to long. Really was antsy to get cars. Finally got and feel more settled but then I thought oh @#$% this is for real WE are here for good. Kind of thought I was on some long vacation in a really nice house, nice neighborhood, surrounded by exceptionally nice people. Kind of like I was in the movie Edward scissorhands. Anyway, been really enjoying the gym I told you about. It is actually hilarious-the set up. It has valet service for the mom’s which I think is good but really I think it is because in the winter the rain is such a pain in the you know what, but for now I’ll see it as some great luxury. I am still doing the running group which is totally kicking my booty. These girls are in such great shape and there is no jogging. I am running. Up hills, down hills, forwards, backwards, up bleachers, down bleachers, over highways, through neighborhoods, off to grandmas house we go. Ha ha.
I am meeting all sorts of women. I have put my foot down, however, and do not run over 4-5. I recently hooked up with one girl, very laid back, has 3 kids, lives not too far, friendly and helpful and funny enough she teaches pole dancing, yes, that is what I said. Sooo here I am jogging along side and thinking how do I ask her, w/o sounding too judgmental, because I was not, “so why do you do this? With comic relief her answer was really good exercise and it is a way for women to just let lose. So as I was thinking “don’t think it is something I could do (although paul would get a kick out it) who knows-couldn’t you see me now? A couple of days later, with a chuckle, she gave me her card. Ha ha. But good thing is her mother is a very good seamstress so I do have that going for me. Sooo today I decided to do a sports conditioning class that the running leader convinced me to try so I’m thinking workout stations..blah blah. Oh no, the first 15 minutes was some sort of basketball game then stations with running/toning then the last 15 minutes was a hockey game. Yes that’s what I said so yes I played basketball and hockey. I am sure you can only imagine that. Needless to say being fit is big here and we could not be at a better gym that is is sooo family oriented. The kids enjoyed the rock climbing camp.
So there is Bryant Woods near us. A place to walk through with a path, if you call it that. Soooo we decide to go. A little girl goes with us with her baby sitter-next thing I know K and A are sucking on some purple flower and yes I freak out. But the little girl says “oh its ok it is honeysuckle” and I am thinking “yeah so my kids are gonna die” then she says “you can suck on it and it is sweet”. Babysitter confirmed, but after about the fifth one I put the stops to it thinking “ok, who knows with my luck one of non-natured kids will have some sort of anaphylactic reaction”. Sooo then K decides to randomly put other things in mouth-go figure. So the saying goes “stop and smell the flower” but let’s not eat them. The things we have done here have really allowed me to slow down a little and watch kids and enjoy seeing new things through their eyes. Good thing that came out of the woods is a babysitter “Kayla” who I have used 2 times now. Age 17 and very responsible-lives 4 houses down.
So I have been told there are coyotes that have been in people’s backyards recently. Greaaaat, I think something to look forward to especially when paul is gone because you that is when it will happen to me. Speaking of animal, we were outside a couple of days ago at the bottom of our street and Dylan is running down to us and from the top of the street comes a deer running right behind Dylan- you should have seen Dylan’s face when we told him to look behind him-too funny for words. There are many deer. The same eve Kyra wants to walk down the street to see a friend and as we are walking we see a small snake –she thinks it is cool. I am about to pee my pants for I had had enough animal excitement but instead I keep a tough upper chin and say “oooh yeah so cool” as she then asks to pick it and I quickly say no and ask to move on.
Three other funny things then I will continue later. I go to pump my gas having great difficulty getting it to work-realizing at last minute-oh yeah cannot pump own gas in Portland, it is full serve everywhere so feeling like total idiot plus ran risk of huge fine I quickly get back in to my car and take the dirty look I received from the attendant-will not do that again.
Sooooo few days before I had bad sinus headache-no problem-go get my handy dandy awesome claritinD, that has a little kick to it, but could not find so the norm thing to do is ask pharmacist who looked at me in a horrified way as if I was some criminal who was drug seeking-which clearly not-even though the stuff works great-or was I?? anyway, I was definitively told that is not over the counter!! Feeling 1 inch tall I settled for Sudafed non-drowsy.
One last thing. I am driving down the road and up ahead I see a woman in a leotard-OK I think to myself-people do not really wear those much anymore, but who knows the 80’s are coming back and then she turned around and it was a thong leotard over tights I had to bust out laughing and then I thought oh boy where am I? so I had to ask my neighbor if that was common here she said “absolutely not!” I thought “thank god.” She is training for a marathon and is a mother of 4 and works full time as a nike exec for children’s apparel. She is very nice and we seem to have a lot in common. She has even offered me, which hope to use soon, a nike employee coupon for the employee store which gives me 50% off any nike item. You know that made my day. I hear since addidas and nike corporate offices are here there is no need to pay full price for any of that stuff. The employee stores are huge with the same items in the retail stores. Score!!!! I love nike apparel, as you all know. By the way the latest thing, if you did not already know, is running skirts, so I will be getting some of those. Gotta look cute while running.
Oh, for safety sake, I hope I did not offend any of you that may still wear the leotard??
To be continued,
Grocery Store Heaven
(Originally written July 14, 2008)
My oh my am I in grocery store heaven. Between whole foods, trader joe’s and the local farmers market I could not be having more fun. I have yet to venture into one of the stores alone but hopefully soon. Trader Joe’s was probably the most interesting grocery I have seen. So far the things we purchased there have been very good and so easy to prepare. I really can not wait to go into the stores alone. Pretty pathetic that my excitement has succumb to that but honestly it has aside from trying to find a local sitter and venture into city.
This past weekend we took the children to the water falls. It was great fun. We actually walked up to the top which was one mile up a pretty steep narrow path. Actually scary in a way but the children were insistent. The deciding factor on if we got to the top was how far Dylan could walk. He walked the whole way up. We had many breaks needless to say for water and power snacks. No bathrooms but we ran into some real hikers who gave us some t.p. which was handy at the top for the eldest for as you know boys have no problem behind trees.
At the top there were “swim pools” where the kids could wade or dip feet. Veeery cold. We did not have on wet/dry shoes so difficult to wade because sooo slippery so, of course, the children were a little ticked off about that. There is always a next time. The parents are learning as we go along.
Was a good adventurous weekend to say the least. We have kind of promised ourselves that we would try to do one thing each weekend, through the summer.
I think this weekend we are going to drive to the coast. Should be interesting. The weather continues to be spectacular. Very curious about the weather. I am sure I will be bitching about that. The trick I hear are weekend getaways which I hear you do not have to drive very far to see the sun. Thank God.
Oh, one more thing, the view of Mt. Hood and St. Helen were amazing on our way to the falls. No, really next summer you have to try to visit. I will getmy feet wet this summer so next summer I will have some ideas for what to do. Right now I do not know my north from my south.
Oh, today you would be proud. I met up with a running group at the gym. It is organized. My neighbor happen to be one of the runners as well so that made things a little easier but I was laughing because I just followed the group and had to run and run and run because I could not divert since I truly did not know where the hell I was and knew if I wimped out I could never find my way back(good thing there was a lot of nature to look at). Then thank God one girl decided today was her short run day so I went with her. Needless to say 5 miles later I was back. Thought I was going to die since I really had only exercised 2 days in the last 20. Buuut, you know me I will go back for more on Wednesday.
The kids have been pretty busy this week. They (2 older ones) are doing a rock climbing camp indoors in the a.m. and really love it. I, on the other hand, am afraid of heights which was sort of a problem going up to the top of the falls but you know how it is as a mom we have to become SUPER. Soo even though I felt like I was going to fly away and held my child's hand as if I was helping them they were actually keeping me on the ground. Pretty comical if I say so my self. Needless to say Paul may have to be in charge of the rock climbing thing.
Ok, enough.
I have to go watch the Closer and Saving Grace which started back up tonight.
My oh my am I in grocery store heaven. Between whole foods, trader joe’s and the local farmers market I could not be having more fun. I have yet to venture into one of the stores alone but hopefully soon. Trader Joe’s was probably the most interesting grocery I have seen. So far the things we purchased there have been very good and so easy to prepare. I really can not wait to go into the stores alone. Pretty pathetic that my excitement has succumb to that but honestly it has aside from trying to find a local sitter and venture into city.
This past weekend we took the children to the water falls. It was great fun. We actually walked up to the top which was one mile up a pretty steep narrow path. Actually scary in a way but the children were insistent. The deciding factor on if we got to the top was how far Dylan could walk. He walked the whole way up. We had many breaks needless to say for water and power snacks. No bathrooms but we ran into some real hikers who gave us some t.p. which was handy at the top for the eldest for as you know boys have no problem behind trees.
At the top there were “swim pools” where the kids could wade or dip feet. Veeery cold. We did not have on wet/dry shoes so difficult to wade because sooo slippery so, of course, the children were a little ticked off about that. There is always a next time. The parents are learning as we go along.
Was a good adventurous weekend to say the least. We have kind of promised ourselves that we would try to do one thing each weekend, through the summer.
I think this weekend we are going to drive to the coast. Should be interesting. The weather continues to be spectacular. Very curious about the weather. I am sure I will be bitching about that. The trick I hear are weekend getaways which I hear you do not have to drive very far to see the sun. Thank God.
Oh, one more thing, the view of Mt. Hood and St. Helen were amazing on our way to the falls. No, really next summer you have to try to visit. I will getmy feet wet this summer so next summer I will have some ideas for what to do. Right now I do not know my north from my south.
Oh, today you would be proud. I met up with a running group at the gym. It is organized. My neighbor happen to be one of the runners as well so that made things a little easier but I was laughing because I just followed the group and had to run and run and run because I could not divert since I truly did not know where the hell I was and knew if I wimped out I could never find my way back(good thing there was a lot of nature to look at). Then thank God one girl decided today was her short run day so I went with her. Needless to say 5 miles later I was back. Thought I was going to die since I really had only exercised 2 days in the last 20. Buuut, you know me I will go back for more on Wednesday.
The kids have been pretty busy this week. They (2 older ones) are doing a rock climbing camp indoors in the a.m. and really love it. I, on the other hand, am afraid of heights which was sort of a problem going up to the top of the falls but you know how it is as a mom we have to become SUPER. Soo even though I felt like I was going to fly away and held my child's hand as if I was helping them they were actually keeping me on the ground. Pretty comical if I say so my self. Needless to say Paul may have to be in charge of the rock climbing thing.
Ok, enough.
I have to go watch the Closer and Saving Grace which started back up tonight.
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